bleach

i saw holes in the wall
holes where there shouldn't be at all
where you ran
and in your head

i saw a hole in my heart
one that i shouldn't have let rot
i'd fill it in
be me again

where there's a will there's a way
and i'm willing to abandon you

look at the pain in my eyes
look what i'm willing to try
look at my kingdom of flies

it's turning me into what i
never wanted to be
turning me into what i despise

where there's a will there's a way
just watch, it'll wither away

gossamer

gossamer
untie me from the web
swat at the silk
how it's tangled up
what a mess
in summer
i knew her in my head
but i burned that bridge
and every friend i had left

and when we lost her
we didn't ask her
what for
if i had told her
i would've traded your world

gossamer
as hopelessly as you said
when you lay me down
can you scratch my back
where it bled?

17

i'm blank faced standing
outside of your room
i poured my heart out
none of it mattered
once you were you
forgive me for asking
what kept you gashing
at the same wound
i buried your flowers
peeled off the plaster
cut into

when you were falling
was it a long way down?
and when you gave up
did you still live in doubt?

in misspelled scratching
a picture that's lacking
submerging all you
forgive me for asking
why did this happen
why to you?

i took my time
it wasn't good enough
i crossed my heart
it wasn't true enough

nowhere, usa

i'm sorry
i never though i would regret this so much
i never thought i would lose my story
it's boring
living life under your own thumb
and for all of the years spent yearning

so when i tell you
that i think i missed my life
am i right?

i'm sorry
it's like i thought that one day
i'd just wake up
but never thought i would wake up crawling
it's boring
living life under your own thumb
and always wondering why you deserve it

so when i tell you
that i think i missed my life
am i right?
and when you were with me
you were right about my life
it was mine
it wasn't right

i think i missed my life
it was mine

three way mirror

why lie?
and end up just like you
how'd i never tell you
what you took from me
i tried to
but now i just see through
it turns out there's nothing
left to say

and i wonder
is it close now
in the quiet

you were nothing at all
before we believed
now i'm laughing in your face
because your lies are out of reach

now i'm spitting in your face
your lies are out of reach

gouge

what would i remember
maybe it didn't mean that much to you
i didn't want to make these bad things come true
i wish you from the nightmares that hide you

scapegoat

maybe i'm not who you'd like to see
maybe i'm not who i though i'd be

it was a dream of mine
for this to finally cost you
to smile and see you
cut down to size

hey maddie
do you remember me
innocent and broken
not bitter and mean

i can't believe what i wasted
the faces i traced back
it's much harder to face this
my only desire

i still love you
and now that you're nothing
i'm still trying to be me
i'm tired of me
i'm still trying to be me

concrete wings

this may be my last thought
of flying
this may be last time alive

there's spit on your grave
these boys won't behave
they took your life
or what was left of it

and we're all fallen eventually
all the others will call you
another name
that you've never heard before

and we're all scarred eventually
but all your bruises will stall you
when you know what you want
you're stumbling